"DAISEY DUKE SCREEN SAVER" Daisey Duke, aka the "Bratty Kid"   IF MICROSOFT WAS HEADQUARTERED IN TEXAS, LOUISIANA, MISSISSIPPI, ARKANSAS, ALABAMA OR GEORGIA           1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders.           2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.           3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag.           4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right" or "Naw."           5. Instead of "Ta-Da!" the opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos."           6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an "Outhouse."           7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized drunk Redneck yelling, "Firebird!"           8. Instead of "Start Me Up," the Winders '95 theme song would be "Achey-Breaky Heart."           9. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt."         10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C++."         11. Winders '95 logo would incorporate a Confederate Flag.         12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word.         13. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers.         14. New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now, ya heeah?"         15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz."         16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.         17. Microsoft Office would be replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse.         18. Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard.         19. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator.         20. Microsoft CEO: "Bubba" Gates.         21. Winders '95 would feature the "Daisey Duke Screen Saver."