JIM "TEXAS JIM" KELLEY "Texas Jim's" New Civilized Image!   How "Texas Jim" Used To Look . . . After Consuming A "Texas Tornado"!     JIM KELLEY'S RECIPE FOR A "TEXAS TORNADO"             "A good writer is not necessarily a good book reader. No more so than a good drunk is automatically
          a good drinker"__tj
 
          It has been requested that I resend the prescription for my infamous Texas Tornado. Heah tis . . .
 
          But, first . . . .
 
          Like any other drug, one must follow the recommended dosage. For the benefit of those who have an
          interest, I include the following info:
 
          Basic Information:
          Habit forming? No. (unless taken for other than medicinal purposes)
          Prescription needed? No.
          Available as generic? Yes, but with some differing results.
          Drug class:
             antihelminthic
             tranquilizer
             sedative
             hypnotic
 
          Uses:
             removes worms
             stifles anal puckeritus
             depressant of hyperlingualitus
             exaggeration of focal fixation
             reduction of cutwinditus
 
          Dosage & Usage Information:
             How to take:
                swallow in liquid form (never frozen)
                remove shells before partaking of peanuts
                do not underdose
                take with peanuts as directed in the instructions
                do not change the sequence of the various slurpations
 
             When to take:
                before, during, and/or after the need is craved
 
             If you forget a dose:
               Take as soon as you remember.
 
          Underdose:
             Symptoms:
             dilated pupils, blurred vision, rapid pulse and breathing, dizziness, paranoia, confusion, agitation,
             slurred speech
 
             What to do:
                Complete the tri-swig process
 
          INGREDIENTS:
          1 bottle medium grade or better Tequila
          1 bottle Sangrita (difficult to find in U.S. - see below for basic ingredients)
          2 large or 4 small yellow/green limes
          1 six-pack Tecate beer (no substitutes)
          1 bottle vodka (any quality)
          7-1/2 salted peanuts
 
          MIXTURE:
          Pour 4 oz. Tequila and 4 oz. Vodka together in one glass. Stir gently.
          Cut limes into quarter-wedges and press around top of glass
          Pour 8 oz. Sangrita in a separate glass (recipe below)
          Pop open a can or bottle of Tecate beer
          Shell the peanuts.
 
          SIT DOWN!
 
          Take a healthy sip of the 50/50 Tequila/Vodka mixture
          Follow with a good sip of the Sangrita
          Take a swallow of the Tecate
          Eat one peanut.
 
          Take another guzzle of the T/V concoction
          Swallow some more Sangrita
          Chew on another lime
          Suck up on the Tecate
          Eat another peanut.
 
          Turn up the rest of the T/V stuff
          Gulp down the rest of the Sangrita
          Suck on another lime
          Chug-a-lug the rest of the Tecate
          Chow down on the rest of the peanuts.
 
          Note: SANGRITA INGREDIENTS
          Orange juice
          Vinegar
          Sugar
          Chili piquin
          Chili Serrano
 
          The above is for one to two persons, depending on whether or not they have the heart of a Texan
          and/or a Mexican.
 
          All copyrights reserved: © Jim Kelley 1993
          Permission is granted for reprinting this remedy. The only conditions are . . . it must be printed in
          its entirety without any modifications.                                                          AS  YOUR  WORLD  STARTS  TO  TURN . . . tj